Wisconsin Comedian Charlie Berens (Manitowoc Minute) and Brett Newski discuss self-employment, best cereals, the uprise of small towns, and reminisce about their times in grade school together. Newski tells the story of when a kid brought a knife to school in order to stab him in 6th grade.
More on Charlie and his new album: https://www.charlieberens.com/
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/BrettNewski1
Full video episode!
EXCERPT-
Brett: One thing I think we should talk about is how we reconnected. Because it’s a wild story. I was seeing your name online, and was like, that face looks familiar. And I put it all together and realized we went to grade school together.
Charlie: Orchard Lane baby.
Brett: Unreal. Were you there when the guy brought the knife to school and wanted to stab me?
Charlie: Who was that? Who brought the knife?
Brett: He’s still around so I don’t want to say his name online, not sure if he’s a kook still or not, but I got to tell you this story.
So there’s this kid. We’ll call him “Gary.” He was a real nice kid, to be honest! Quiet kid, never said miuch, I was his partner for some computer lab projects. We were friendly, I thought everything was cool. But he was obsessed with pro wrestling. That was his life blood, it was all he watched.
And there was this buzzer around school one day that Gary was running around and picking a new person each day to beat the shit out of! So three, four days went by, and he’d be like, “Yeah, today I’m gonna beat the shit out of Nate” and you’d see Nate out in the yard just getting a face wash, just horrifying, crying, red in the face. And the next day, it’s “I’m gonna beat the shit out of Wes” and then he would be punching Wes in the face!
Charlie: Wait, Wesley? Is Wesley who you’re talking about?
Brett: You know Wes.
Charlie: Yeah!
Brett: So the fourth day rolls around, and the buzz around the school goes, “Alright Brett, he’s coming for you next.” I’m like, “What!? I never did anything to this kid, I was friendly to him!” And I see him in the hallway, and he’s using an Undertaker voice, or some pro wrestler voice. And he goes, “Brett. Tomorrow you are MINE. I’m gonna kick your ass.”
And I was horrified, the only thing I said to him was, “Whatever man, I’m not scared of you.” That’s all I said to him.
Charlie: Oh, no. That was all you needed to say to him.
Brett: Wrong move. So, it starts buzzing around the school the next day that Gary brought a knife to school. And he wants me dead.
Charlie: Are we talking switchblades, Swiss Army Knife, what do we got?
Brett: Well, just wait.
Charlie: Ohh, sorry, I’m ruining the story *laughs*.
Brett: We’re going back into the classroom, and you know how they make you line up in the hallway to wait to go back into the classroom?
Charlie: yeah.
Brett: So we’re in line, my buddy Casey K, a great man, he whispers to me, “I’m gonna check in Gary’s backpack to see if he brought a knife.” We all go in, and he hangs back. Casey Kaiser doesn’t come back to school for the rest of the day.
I’m thinking, “Oh shit, something’s up.” And I get called into the principal’s office two hours later, and there are two policemen there.
Charlie: Oh, shit!
Brett: And they sit me down, start asking me questions. And there’s this GIANT kitchen knife sitting there with my name written on it in bright red nail polish. “Brett Newski” all across the giant blade of this huge Freddy Kruger kitchen knife.
Charlie: Shut up.
Brett: No joke. And, it was horrifying, I was crying. My parents got called, they were crying. It was horrible. But nothing really happened to this guy. All they did was relocate him to the school across town. That was it.
Charlie: Really? So...he got expelled?
Brett: He got expelled, but no real repercussions.
Charlie: Now what’s he doing today?
Brett: I don’t know! What do you think?
Charlie: I don’t know who this is. We’ll maybe talk about who he is after. But he’s probably in accounting or real estate, something like that. He’s probably got a normal job, would be my guess. I’m not trying to say anything about accountants or real estate agents, but you know.
